a song I am loving:
I remember the day I wrote a letter to my dad and left it on the dining table the night before, hoping he would read it before work and we could talk about it the next day.
In the letter, there were three options I had for myself.
To quit school. (polytechnic)
To quit school and enroll in junior college.
To quit school and work instead.
That year, I turned 17, and within those 6 months, I experienced two major life-altering experiences that shaped my life. The first was my first ever physical trauma: a spinal fusion surgery for my scoliosis.
The second was the moment I realized that I had made a disastrous decision with my tertiary education.
It was within a few weeks of school that I realized I had made the worst decision of my life: spending three years studying a course I did not enjoy. It also came to my knowledge that NO teenager aged 16-17 should jump into making such big decisions that can shape their future, and most of all, that I have been a victim of a terribly flawed education system.
In my letter, I wrote about my feelings, the wrong decision I made, and my desire to pursue my childhood dream of studying marine biology, which I had previously given up on due to the lack of options in Singapore at the time. I wrote about how I discovered this dream course in far-flung New Zealand and was determined to make it happen.
My dad said no.
He said no to all of them.
These words echoed repeatedly in my mind for days, weeks, and years. My heart was shattered into pieces.
“How will I know that this is not another bad decision from a 17-year-old. Finish your tertiary education first. Prove to me you are sure.”
And so I did. The next three years, I studied for the sake of studying (I have always been quite academic). Skipped alot of class alongside it. I worked part-time in cafes, restaurants, and as a tutor… all to fund my travels. The following year, I did my first solo at 18 years old. I mainly traveled alone. I volunteered for multiple years in a turtle conservation project. I worked directly with sea turtles, from tagging to rehabilitation to identification and education. I went snorkeling ( a lot). I also swam with the biggest fish in the world: a whale shark (which I cried because I saw eight whale sharks in two days. It was a solo too because a friend bailed on me at the airport).
I did not do it for anyone else. I did it for me.
I wanted to be sure that this was my calling and that the ocean was where I truly belonged. I would do everything in my power to protect it.
Three years later, I graduated with a 3.92/4 GPA score. With two acceptance letters from the top universities in Singapore, I asked my dad again. So now, can I go to New Zealand?
I worked full-time for a year, and in 2013, I boarded the flight to Auckland with my dad. New Zealand was my first country outside Singapore- a definitive moment that is etched in my heart forever. To me, it wasn’t just studying abroad.
It was a becoming.
A blooming.
And I never looked back.
My second tattoo is a blue whale that I have on my right hip. It represents all the decisions and sacrifices I’ll make, and I’ll be making when I pursue my dream.
All the missed celebrations. All the missed moments of simple joy, like a family dinner, a home-cooked meal, the occasional quarrel, the silence watching television together… that most may take for granted. All the moments I spend alone without my loved ones near me. All of the challenges that ensue may alter relationships, connections, and opportunities. All the unspoken ones that we don’t talk enough about, living away from home.
Now, on my 5th country away from home, I reflect on the pursuit and devotion I held for my dreams all these years.
YES, I did not become a marine biologist, Dad. I am sorry hehe.
But I did spend a significant length of time teaching others about the ocean as a diving instructor. And I am the biggest steward and protector of the sea till this very day.
Now, I am just doing something my soul always knew I was better at.
The truth is, I always knew. I've always held a vision of this dream, and in life, even when things don't always go as planned and you encounter diversions or crossroads that question you repeatedly, it always unfolds exactly as it is meant to.
What I do know is that no matter how long, how far it may take, I will get there. I have the strongest certainty. And this whale tattoo is a testament and reminder of that.
And until then, I will enjoy this ride called life.
Maybe one day I’ll share here the vision I have in mind. Or perhaps, one where it turns up beyond my wildest imagination.
But here is a hint: it has to do with having a family and settling down.
Success today to me is:
a calm and regulated nervous system
a deep sense of certainty and trust
listening more
a vessel that is constantly expanding and holding wealth
a strong relationship with money
the scent of fresh lilies and eucalyptus across my room
a strong and healthy gut
slow and unhurried mornings
a daily spiritual practice
a physical space to retreat to and to decompress (gate 33 sun)
reading and journaling in the morning before I am plugged into the world
a creative outlet: writing on Substack or my blog
the delicious active waiting as a Projector
day trips immersed in nature
spontaneous adventures
ability to be anywhere I want to be
a soft, simple life where I am not depleted or exhausted
owning a soul-led business that generates me consistent income
a powerful business setup + ecosystem that requires little of me
a soul-led business and brand that is rigged and led by my frequency
working with aligned clients who recognize and value the work I do
utilizing my gifts through my Human Design and doing business only the way I can
helping aligned clients do the same in their businesses and life
working with a maximum of two clients daily
expanding and investing in my growth, skillset, inner studies so that I can be a better guide/friend/partner/daughter
living with my menstrual cycle and planetary days
a warm matcha with rose buds or iced Earl Grey matcha
presence with my loved ones and seeing their smiles
a dark room to sleep in
waking up with the sun and falling asleep with the moon
deciding to be the most confident, feminine, magnetic, successful, and abundant version of myself daily
So here are some reflective prompts for you:
What is it exactly that you are working towards?
What are you calling in?
What makes you feel spacious and at ease? Today?
What does Success represent to you?
What are the things to be grateful for today?
Let me know below! I love to hear from you.
Up next:
Resonate with this piece? Read the rest here:
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Hi! I see so many new faces here and thought of sharing more about myself here!
My name is Sylvia.
I am the founder, spiritual writer, certified Human Design reader and Projector guide and business mentor behind Arawme and Your Companion.
This Substack is a safe space dedicated to Projectors like us to feel seen, live from recognition, and not the hustle anymore.
Over here, I may be writing about anything from the Projectorhood journey, healing, spirituality, the soft life, grief, love, life, impermanence, loss, active waiting, feminine energetics, identity work, soft business, and even my lived experience along different lines based on Astrocartography. I am a line 1/3 after all (so I have a lot of lived and embodied wisdom to share with you).
The point being… they will most likely look like the BTS of my soft and slow life as a Projector, writer and a soul-led business owner.
These posts will be less streamlined than those on Arawme.
They are poured from my soul, and I hope they inspire you to start typing too.
I hope you’ll stay around and perhaps teach me something, too.
If you resonate with this post, feel free to join my newsletter here, drop a 🌹below , and/or share my articles with your fellow Projector friends.
If you’re also a writer on here, please share your Substack and a little about your work below. The community in this space is one of the most supportive and generous, and the very reason why I decided to make a Substack!
As always, it is my hope that you find one that supports you wherever you are in your journey.
This is so juicy and rich! I love your list. This is exactly the lines that I have been percolating on recently. I’ll tag you in something I wrote recently along these same lines!